Perfection.
Anybody remember this game?
Simple concept. Maneuver all the tiny pieces of varying shapes into their corresponding slots within 60 seconds.
Oh? You didn't finish in time? "POW! Pop goes Perfection" as the not-so-original jingle set to "Pop! Goes the Weasel" explained. What it left out was that the nearly microscopic pieces would quite literally launch themselves at you and any unsuspecting passerby only to fly under the refrigerator, couch, bed, etc. or be gobbled up by the family dog, cat, or large hamster.
No trophies for last place here. This game wasn't out to build your self-confidence. It demanded complete perfection or you would suffer its vengeful wrath with a semi-permanent octagon welt prominently displayed on your forehead. The lesson here seemed to be: be perfect or everything will blow up in your face.
This, of course, brings me to the reason for this post. You see, a few days ago I realized that I really struggle with perfection. Let me elaborate. I don't think I'm perfect, that's not the struggle. It's more about feeling that I need to do things perfectly or risk everything falling apart or that I'm somehow ineffective if I don't do something perfectly.
It seems to so thoroughly pervade my life (especially when it comes to ministry with the church, where the gravity of eternal choices seems to weigh heavily) that I sometimes end up with an almost crippling fear of messing up. This then leads to the exact opposite of my intent as that fear causes nervousness that causes me to mess up, which brings the realization that perfection has not been achieved, which then makes me more nervous about messing up again, which leads to messing up... Do you see where this is going? I end up perpetuating a cycle, that in the end, makes me less effective.
My concern in all of this is that it means I'm relying on my work, rather than God's, to accomplish goals. I just want to do things with excellence, but I think sometimes I worry too much about the results. It's something I'm working on.
Anyone else deal with this?
